maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
