she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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