I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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