WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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