She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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