hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
