He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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