If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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