Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
where am i from again
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
