Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize