I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
