while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
