my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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