dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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