So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
