I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
