Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
