OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
