I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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