i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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