Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
