I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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