Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Alive.
So much puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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