I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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