i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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