is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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