Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
