apparently the secret to your success is patron
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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