They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
