Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
