too bad you live with your parents still
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
