His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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