and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
