did you get engaged???
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
