come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
