can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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