His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
