You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
