I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
