dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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