Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
