I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
