Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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