Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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