even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
