your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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