I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
