You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
