There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
