i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
