We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We had to coat check the pizza.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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