apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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