you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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