i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
