Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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