Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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