I'm so fucking centered right now
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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