Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She announced her abortion via fbk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
