Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
