Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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