I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
