had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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