I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
