I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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