all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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