You can't special order awesome
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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