I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
