I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
