Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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