So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
