i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
