Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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