Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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