i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
