he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
