He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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