You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
