I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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