I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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