her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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