you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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