Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
