Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
