Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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