a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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