How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
